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Why is it so easy to be so hard on ourselves??

I was spending time with a very good girl friend of mine yesterday.

She was lamenting about her daughter still not sleeping thought the night. She had tried various methods from the no-cry solution to full cry it out, and her daughter is still not getting the hang of settling herself to sleep. She and her husband are exhausted

“I feel like I must have done something wrong, but I don’t know what it is or what to do.” She worried

As she said this, she settled into the couch with her daughter to breastfeed, and my heart sank just a little bit.  Our babies are the same age, but I had given up on breastfeeding a few months ago after I just wasn’t producing enough to meet her needs.  I am bummed that I did not make it to a year and feel guilty that I couldn’t.

While I was feeling bad about my ability to feed my daughter, my friend asked about her sleeping.

“Is Rylan, sleeping?”

Well…I thought.  Yes.  She started doing 8 hours stretched of sleep at 7 weeks old and was sleeping through the night at about 4 months (6:30-6:30). She had never even really needed sleep training; she just sort of figured it out.

We had used the cry it out method with my son and he had the hang of it  in 3 nights and has been a great sleeper ever since.

SO, I have good sleepers.

She continued, “I don’t hear other people talking about this, I must be the only one who kids don’t sleep”

“But,” I reminded her, “she is a great breastfeeder!”

“True” she replied, somewhat dismissively.

And that is exactly it!  It is so easy to focus on the challenging parts of parenting while sweeping the things that came easier aside, thinking they are easy for everyone.

In fact, as I started to write this blog post, I thought…haven’t I written this before??

This having kids thing, that bonds us together, can also feel really isolating.  It is so easy to feel like you are the only parent in the world to go through whatever you are currently going through.

I challenge us ALL to take a few minutes and think of the part of parenting that have gone well for us.

  1. Your child is overall healthy
  2. Easy pregnancy
  3. Uncomplicated delivery
  4. No problems getting your baby to latch
  5. Abundant milk supply?
  6. Your baby took a bottle with ease
  7. Your baby is generally happy and not fussy
  8. Your kids are great sleepers at night
  9. Your kids are great nappers
  10. Your kids transitions to childcare easily
  11. Your baby liked solid foods when you introduced them
  12. Your baby has met developmentally appropriate milestones
  13. Potty training was relatively easy
  14. Your child rarely through a full blown temper tantrum
  15. Your child is sweet and funny and silly

For me, I can say YES! to 10 of these for my older son and 11 for  my daughter (we haven’t gotten to all of them with her).  So those are pretty good odds!! I think I am going to write, “my kids are good sleepers” on my hand…

Take a few minutes write now and write out a parenting mantra for your self.

MY KIDS ARE REALLY GOOD AT_________________

Or

IM A REALLY GOOD PARENT BECAUSE______________

Any time you start to feel unsure of yourself, read that mantra.

And call a friend, because, I promise, you are not the only one going through what you are going through.

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Good friends of ours are getting ready to have a baby and I wanted to pick up a few items to help round out her nursery.  I wanted to choose items I found SO essential for those first few weeks after bring the baby home.

Come with me on a little shopping adventure to Babies R Us, as I pick up some of my favorites.  What are YOUR must haves for those first few weeks?

*what did you think of my video?  I’d love your feedback!  What else would you like to see in future video blogs?

 

Ahh…beautiful Sunday afternoon, two sleeping kids, a clean kitchen (thanks to the hubby) a stocked fridge after a trip to the Farmer’s Market…life is good!

 

The year of the Dragon is going to be a GREAT year!

AND according to Chinese Astrology this is going to be an exciting year!  I am looking forward to the big ideas and ambitions this year brings.  You can read more about the Year of the Dragon here.

 

I’d love to hear what your big goals and plans are for this year too!  And what can the BUMP life community do to help you reach those goals?

 

 

What fills YOUR cup?

In fact, one of my goals here at BUMP Life is to give busy moms more tips and tricks to help them master their lives and really hit their stride after kids.  Starting with these weekly 10-minute challenges.  We are all so busy, that making any change in our life can seem overwhelming.  I have realized, after feeling pretty overwhelmed myself, that there is a lot you can do in just 10 minutes that makes you feel better and helps you build momentum to make bigger changes.  Check out this weeks 10 minutes to change your life  all about Filling YOUR Cup

 

 

 

 

Fun weekend with the Family

One thing that fills my cup is spending time with my family.  We got away for a long weekend to the beautiful San Diego last weekend, check out more about it and how Traveling Along with Two Kids went here

 

 

 

 

 

 

I LOVE when members of the BUMP life community reach out to ask questions or offer their own advice.  A fitness friend of mine had a question about Baby Weight vs Extra Weight and what was the difference.  Read that answer here!

 

 

 

Because I was away last weekend, I didn’t get to a wrap up last week.  In fact, I didn’t write too much last week.  Maybe it was because I was traumatized by a CRAZY temper tantrum Monday night!!  How do you handle temper tantrums?

 

 

I am so excited for next week here at BUMP life.  I am finally going to fulfill another goal here and start posting more video blogs as well as written ones.  The first one is coming tomorrow and it is all about Newborn Essentials shot inside Babies R Us while other shoppers thought I was clearly crazy talking to my phone in the aisle!

 

And more video’s to come, including product reviews, exercise demos and answers to YOUR questions!  So let me know what YOU would like to see here and feel free to share this site with your friends and community.  Also, we have some fun GIVEAWAYS coming up too!!

 

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

 

–Megan

It might be that large vanilla latte, not the baby, causing the extra weight

Ok, Ok, I know it is Saturday, not Friday, but cut a busy mom some slack!

I received this question from a fitness friend of mine who has a few clients who told her they want to lose the “baby weight”.  She wanted to know if;

“…there such a thing as “baby weight” vs. just “weight” to get off?
Weight, regardless is hard to lose, but does “baby weight” have more issues? “

GREAT question.  I think “baby weight” is all in the definition.  Are we talking about weight that was gained during pregnancy or weight that was gained from the demanding first few months of motherhood when mom is sleep deprived, stressed out, not exercising and doing a lot of ‘convenience’ eating?  Sometimes these two overlap and get confusing.

Here is my answer back to her:

Baby Age:

How old are the babies (that caused this baby weight)?  If they are under a year (or more so under 6 months) and especially if the moms are still breastfeeding, then I would consider that ‘pregnancy weight.’ The average mom gains around 30 lbs during pregnancy and it  is made up of the weight of the baby, placenta, increased cellular fluid, increase breast tissue, increased blood column, and some increase fat.  In fact, increase in blood volume alone accounts for about 4 pounds and increase breast tissue is 2 pounds!

Breast Feeding:

Also, breast feeding is a big contributor to weight loss.  Although very calorically expensive (some say breast feeding is the best weight loss system…never the case for me), your body tends to store between 5-10 lbs of weight (read: fat) while you are feeding a baby to make sure that if there is a famine or your tribe is not able to kill a buffalo, you will still be able to feed your child. No one has told our bodies about Whole Foods, and that, really, its ok to ditch that security weight.

Hormones:

Also, weight around pregnancy is very hormonally driven, just like gaining weight at puberty and menopause is common. When hormones start to regulate, the weight some times does too.  Experts say hormones after pregnancy can stay out of balance for 6-18months.  *If you are doing EVERYTHING right and still not able to lose weight, you should have your hormone levels checked.

Too Much Take-out:

Now if your clients are, like me, a year or more out, no longer breastfeeding and survived on too much take-out, and vanilla lattes in those early months, the extra weight is probably just that, extra weight.

For most of your group, its probably the latter.  What tends to happen is in the few weeks following birth, the ‘extra’ weight IS pregnancy weight, extra fluid, blood volume etc.  But as those factors start to regulate (and come down), mom’s habits are taking over.  She is probably sleep deprived and eating extra carbs, sugar and caffeine  for that energy boost.  She is also probably eating that creamy noodle casserole the neighbor brought over, or asks her husband to pick up something on his way home, since the baby cries from 4pm to 10pm straight and there is no way to make a healthy dinner during the witching hours (that wasn’t just me, right??)

Bone Structure: 

One more thing. Remember that bone structure can actually change during pregnancy. And sometimes the expanded hips or rib cage don’t go all they way back to pre-pregnancy size. So if you have ladies that are back or close to back to pre pregnancy weight *number* but not fitting in their old clothes, this could be the culprit. They may need to adjust what size clothes they wear or what style jeans they buy to accommodate their new “mommy” bodies.

A year after my first son was born, I was totally confused why my old jeans were too tight, but the size up were too big.  A lovely sales lady brought me some different styles to try and low and behold…they fit!  Shocker, that I no longer wore the style jeans I had worn since college, right??

Be Realistic:

The best suggestion for either group is common sense eating and realistic, appropriate  exercise.

I think the biggest thing for moms is helping them make realistic choices that fit with their new, crazy, lifestyle. And for those under a year (or heck for all moms) cutting themselves some slack.  Being healthy and taking care of that new little life is the most important thing and the weight will follow.  But maybe I should get that latte habit in check?

So if you find you are still struggling with “baby weight”, take these things in to consideration.  And I’d love to hear what YOUR struggles are, fitness or otherwise, and I’ll feature my answers in an upcoming post.

I have been feeling really good lately.  It is the Year of the Dragon, supposedly an exciting year for big things happening, we just had a lovely family vacation, I have a wonderful group of girlfriends and the sun is out today!  I am feeling especially lucky, I am feeling like my cup of life is full and filling up even more.

Today’s 10 minute challege is all about YOUR cup and filling it up.  Filling it with appreciation for those you love, filling it with newly acquired knowledge and literally filling it with water.

So, take 10 minutes right now and make a few small changes that WILL change your life.

*If you’ve missed the last two 10 minute challenges, check them out here and here.

Minute 1-2:  Make a List of the 10 Things You Love and Appreciate About Someone

Remind yourself why you love someone

The last two 10 minute challenges had us outwardly telling an important someone that we were thinking of them.  Today’s assignment has you privately reminding yourself why you love someone.

I think it is easy, when things get tough, to take out our frustrations on those who are closest to us, both physically and emotionally close.  I find that when one of my kids is crying, that’s when the dog also annoys me the most.  Or if I had a hard day, it’s easy to get frustrated with my husband when he comes home.

So, grab a piece of paper and list 10 things you love about someone special, or reasons you appreciate them.  It can be little things or big things.  You can, of course, share this list with that person.  Or just fold it up and put it in your wallet or medicine cabinet.  Open it up and read it whenever you need a little reminder of the good people in your life.

Minute 3-5: Stretch and Get Some Water

Keep that water close by!

If you are reading this, my guess is you are either slouched over your computer or squinting at your smart phone’s small screen.  Everyone just sat up a little taller, right?  Good!

Sit up tall, roll your shoulders 5 times to the back.  Take a few deep breaths.  Tip your ear from shoulder to shoulder and roll your shoulders back a few more times.

Great!!!

Now get up and go get a big glass of water.  Most of us are guilty of not drinking enough water throughout the day.  So go fill a big class with water or dig your water bottle out of you bag.  If your water is easily accessible, you are more likely to drink the recommended amount.

Minute 6-10: Learn Something

“successful people learn something every day”

Many of us spend many minutes (hours?) killing time on the internet.  We get caught up on our friends vacation photos, on the latest celebrity gossip (Seal and Heidi…really?!?!) or what’s on sale at GAP.  But the internet is a wealth of valuable information right at our finger tips.  Go google something right now that you are curious about.  I recently read that successful people learn something every day.  So why not start now.  Here are a few ideas;

What is the difference between complimentary and complementary?

Who was the 27th President?

How do I start a Blog?

I missed President Obama’s State of the Union Address

Which book is the current NYT best seller?

Good job, 10 minutes later and now your cup runneth over too!

The year of the Dragon is going to be a GREAT year!

Gung Hay Fat Choy!!

I have never really gotten into Chinese astrology before, but I have to say, I am excited about this year, the Year of the Dragon.

According to astrologers, The Dragon stands for everything on a grand scale; big ideas and extreme ambitions.   This is supposed to be a huge year for great deeds, innovative ideas and big projects.   It’s also supposed to be a good year for social connections, relationships and family.

SO I predict BIG things this year, big things for myself, my family, my career, my relationships.  And big things for all of you too!

What are your extreme ambitions for this year?

We just got back for 4 days in San Diego. It was our first plane trip with both kids and our first trip as a family of 4 that wasn’t with other family members. It was also Rylan’s first plane ride.  And my first time flying solo with two kids!  (My husband flew down earlier in the week for business and we met him there on Thursday. )

All in all it was a GREAT trip.   I think we did really well.  There are a few things I’ll remember to do better on the next adventure.  But really this blog post is just an excuse to share some of our vacation pictures 🙂

Things we did well

Pez, Woody, Buzz and Headphones…perfect flight

Old Iphone with new movies and headphones– add a new Pez dispenser from grandma and the 3 year old was easier on the plane than the baby for sure!  The headphones may be my new favorite kid item. Dora on mute…yes please.
 

On the Tram at the Safari Park

San Diego Zoo Safari Park– I think everyone REALLY enjoyed this attraction.  I wasn’t sure if it would be worth it since we spend so much time at the San Francisco zoo…it was totally worth it.


 

Couldn’t even wait for a bathing suit

Down time at the hotel- We stayed at a beautiful resort (thanks to my KSL employee discount) and it was great to just have some down time there.  Rylan got to take a few naps in the room.  Brady watched a movie in bed one rainy morning and went swimming the first day.  I like to go go go on vacations, but it was nice to just not go too.

Showing off his new “friend” Diego in his travel carseat

Travel Carseat– Have you seen this thing?  It is a 5-point harness seat, but it folds into a small duffle bag.  We borrowed it from a friend, but I would totally buy this seat just for travel. Safety 1st Go Hybrid Convertible Booster, Baton Rouge

Fun at Balboa park play ground before the flight

Hit a play ground before heading to the airport-Thank you iPhone map.  We found a park about 10 minutes from the airport and let the kids run around for about 45 minutes before heading to the airport.  There was also a drum circle and dancers going on in the park, which was just really fun to watch too.

Things we could have done better

Brought enough diapers…what was I thinking??  Thankfully the airport sold a 2 pack of diapers

AKKK!! Put me DOWN!!!

Made Brady feed the birds– This just goes to show you that there is no rhyme or reason to preschoolers.  At a recent trip to local animal park, Brady loved the Lorakett exhibit, but we got there too late to actually feed them.  So I wanted him to have the chance at the Animal Park, well one landed on his head and he freaked out.  Live and Learn
Brought a night light– Brady doesn’t sleep in the pitch dark, but Rylan does, it was hard to find a light combination that worked for both of them since they were in the same room.  A night light near Brady’s bed, would have solved the problem
Packed less clothes–  I wasn’t sure on the weather or the number of blow outs/spilled juices we’d have, but I had way too many clothes for everyone.

I feel so good about our trip, I am already looking forward to the next family adventure…but I am also looking forward to planning a kid-free getaway for my husband and I too!  Sleeping in anyone???

Family photo- Brady slightly traumatized from his bird encounter

 

Falling asleep after 'reading' in bed

I am no stranger to temper tantrums….my kid is 3.  It’s like their job at 3 is to spill any liquid you give them, make hysterically funny faces and throw temper tantrums and my son excels at all 3.

 

But last night he threw a different kind of fit that was just so different…

 

Like many other kids his age, he is starting to give up his afternoon nap, but like many other kids his age he seems to still NEEDS a nap to make it through the afternoon.  And like many other parents of kids his age, I am trying to enforce “quiet time” in the afternoon during the baby’s nap, so everyone gets a little break.  Some days he still falls asleep, some days he plays quietly in his bed, some days (ok most days) he comes out 437 times to ask if his nap is over and on very desperate days, I let him watch a cartoon in his bed on the iPad.  Usually everyone is up by 3:30 or 4pm.  But yesterday, after playing in is room (and coming out about 253 times), I noticed he was laying still at about 4pm….had he actually fallen asleep?

 

So then enter the perpetual parent question; let him sleep because clearly he needs it, or wake him up because it is getting awfully close to bedtime.  I let him sleep for about 45 minutes and when my husband got home, we woke him up.

 

Enter the tantrum

 

He woke up sweaty and confused (I think falling asleep probably surprised him as much as me) and he started crying.  This is normal for him, as he takes a little while to ‘wake up’.  But usually a cartoon and some milk will snap him out of it.

 

But last night it didn’t.

 

He sat on my lap and cried and whimpered and kicked his legs, despite two adults trying to snap him out of it.

 

“do you want a snack?”

“do you have to go potty?”

“do you want a different cartoon?”

 

He now was close to hysterical, twitching and convulsing and sobbing

 

“are you hurt?”

“are you sick?”

“can you use your words?”

 

He would go completely boneless and slide off my lap on to a heap on the floor then stand up screaming with outstretched arms to be picked up, like I had pushed him off my lap.

 

Ok, this was getting ridiculous

 

“you need to stop crying”

“you need to get it together, bud”

“I’m going to go in the other room if you are going to cry”

“you can go cry in your room if you can’t stop”

 

But he couldn’t

 

He was so upset. And neither parent could figure out why or knew what to do about it.  Under our breath we debated parenting tactics “should we send him to his room?” “do you think his leg is asleep?” “ask him about his playdate today” “get him some chocolate”

 

At the 30-minute mark we tried good cop/bad cop, as I left the room and went to start dinner and would not respond to his cries for me to come back.  My husband tried to comfort him with back scratches and funny faces.

 

To no avail, he was dripping in sweat, sobbing with almost no sound coming out (but enough to give both of his parents a huge headache!)

 

So my husband went and put him in his room and told him he could come out when he stopped crying.

 

(Oh, did I mention the baby was totally crying at this point too??)

 

He sort of calmed down as I was putting dinner on the table.  I wasn’t even going to bother trying to get him to try the dinner I had made, so I made his favorite meatballs and carrot sticks with ranch, a dinner he normally can’t refuse.

 

He came out of his room and lost it again;

 

“I DON’T LIKE MEATBALLS” he collapsed in a sobbing heap on the floor.

 

I looked at my husband and we both were completely lost.  We couldn’t even be mad (ok, maybe a little mad) but he just seemed so upset and so out of sorts.

 

“how about some noodles?”

 

“uh” sob “huh” sob

 

I warmed up some left over penne pasta and set it down in front of him.  AND….

1 full hour after we woke him from his nap, he stopped crying and ate his noodles and told his dad about the bouncy house place we went earlier in the day….

 

And that was it.  The rest of the evening he was delightful and cooperative.

 

So, what did we do wrong??  What would you have done?

 

This morning, during preschool drop-off, one of the other children wanted her mom to come see the game she had set up in the other room.  Her mom told her ‘just one minute’ and the little girl lost it, sobbing and collapsed on the floor.

 

And I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

I guess it is just 3 year olds excelling at their jobs

 

Happy Sunday Everyone!

We had a FULL week here at BUMP Life!

Are you headed to a baby shower soon?  This post is all about my Go To Baby Shower Gifts.  I heard some great suggestions from all of you too!  The Sleep Sheep, The Twilight Turtle, not too many blankets, and Sophie the Giraffe we’re popular among the BUMP life community.

Speaking of our great BUMP Life community, it is Be Nice on The Internet Week.  I think it is so important for us moms to build a community online that is supportive and caring, even when we disagree.

A perfect example of this is the uproar that a recent episode of Anderson Cooper’s talk show created when his guest, a working mom, said stay at home mom’s are “lazy.”

Anderson is joined by a panel of moms who discuss the controversial new study that says moms with jobs outside the home are healthier and happier, and debate the issue of who is actually happier. Also, Anderson speaks with a mom who works outside the home who shares her extreme point of view, claiming that moms who stay at home are “lazy.”

This lead to lots of mommy bloggers talking about “mommy wars” and how it is the media pitting us against each other, not building support.  My favorite quote is from Alice Bradley of Finslippy

Without any kind of infrastructure in place to allow women to be parents and also have lives, we have to jury-rig our lives and hope that the whole thing doesn’t come crashing down. And then while we’re trying to negotiate this insane situation the media comes along and whispers, “Psst. Stay at home moms think you’re selfish,” or, “Guess what? This working mom called you lazy.”

And in honor of supporting moms, dads, kids, and best friends ALL over the internet and in your own house.  I made this sticky note for Wordless Wednesday: Share the Love! It got passed around between friends on facebook and in text messages…then I left the real thing in my husbands gym bag 🙂

Always a reader favorite, Life Coach Sharon Lincoln was back with us this week talking about the Art of Authenticity.  She points out how true to themselves our young children are, and how we could take a lesson from them!

And if you need some musical motivation, for a workout or anything else, check out this iMix out!!

Thanks for joining us this week!

There is just something about music that makes most things more fun and challenging tasks easier to accomplish.

One of my new years resolutions is “to become a runner” and I am off to a pretty good start.

(I am using the Cool Running, Couch to 5k program, if you are interested! And they have an awesome iPhone app that will actually give you coached commands OVER your music.  So while Im striding to Party Rock Anthem, a lovely british voice tells me I have 15 more seconds to run.)

But I would not be having near as much success without my music….LOUD.  So if you are looking for a new playlist for your workouts, or maybe just while you clean the house.

Here’s my current favorite playlist (Click here to link to the iMix on iTunes)

Rolling In the Deep: Adele

Moves Like Jagger: Maroon 5

Party Rock Anthem (feat. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock): LMFAO

I Kissed a Girl:  Katy Perry

Right Round: Flo Rida

Maneater:  Nelly Furtado

Forget You:  Cee Lo Green

Apologize (Ti-mo vs. Stefan Rio Club Mix):  De-Grees vs. The Real Booty Babes

Bad Romance:  Lady GaGa

LoveGame (Chew Fu Ghettohouse Fix) [feat. Marilyn Manson]: Lady GaGa

Girlfriend:  Avril Lavigne

The Way I Are (feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E.): Timbaland

Raise Your Glass: P!nk

Hollaback Girl: Gwen Stefani

What are your favorites?  Lets make a Bump Fitness Volume 2 with your suggestions!

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About Bump Life

Bump Life is a place to support moms and families across all aspects of our lives. A place for tips, expert advice, parenting resources and entertainment. A great place to come for information, support or just a break from our crazy lives. From fitness to finance, from diaper bags to diaper duty, for everything bump, babies and beyond, you'll find it all here at BUMP Life!